So I about two weeks ago I wrote a blog post Truth Tuesday: Time Travel from a question I was asked if I would go back and change things and I wrote that post I’m aware that it sounds pretty resentful. I don’t want to sound my life has been good so far. I have a lot to be grateful for even though everything didn’t go the way it was plan. I had to learn that everything doesn’t go as planned. I will say that when I went to college I was unprepared for how much of a shock it would be. I wasn’t prepared for people that would openly tell me that I didn’t belong there and I was only there due to affirmative action even though I applied and got in just like every student there. I was told by few people that I had gotten to know that I was too “different” to hang out with them all of the time. We can still hang out some of the time just not every day.
There was less than twenty percent of people there were people of color. It was a shock for me I wasn’t used to be in that type of environment. I couldn’t run away from the issue but slowly as the days went on I started to shut down. I was prepared to get good grades but I wasn’t prepared not to be accepted for my opinions to be shut down and blatantly told by my so called professors and other students in my English class to when I spoke out about anything I was told I didn’t need to speak I should listen. That hurt more than knew at the time I stopped talking about anything honestly. I kept everything to myself and I became invisible for that entire school year. I felt invisible I changed majors almost every other week because I was unsure what I wanted to do with my life. I didn’t even know what I wanted to do from one day to the next. I wanted to quit I wanted to say forget it but I was too afraid of what people might think since everyone in my family was so happy for me to be there and accomplish something so they can brag. I stuck it out though I felt like at the time it was one of the most difficult times of my life. Eventually I found my place in the University Universe and I found my voice. I wasn’t prepared for the obstacles that came before me during that time. I didn’t learn about boundaries and protecting yourself and demanding respect. I found my voice the following year but it took years after I graduated to learn those things.
In 2013 was recommended this book Boundaries by By: Dr. Henry Cloud, Dr. John Towhttp://www.christianbook.com/boundaries-hardcover-henry-cloud/9780310585909/pd/58590?dv=c&en=bing-pla&event=SHOP&kw=books-0-20%7C58590&p=1179517nsend
It helped understand why I was letting some things just happen and not standing up for myself but like anything else in life it’s still a work in progress.
Peace and Stay Creative,
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